Back to point zero

When Orgona Mater began as an idea, in September 2024, it came from a creative and necessary urge to put out into the world everything I had learned up to that point. It inspired an idea that was far clearer in my mind than the way to bring it into the material world.

The project felt more like The Beatles’ “Imagine”. In my awareness an image appeared of the Earth against the universe, vibrating with fractals of energy connected to the KOSMOS — fractals that came from people aligned with a free and creative flow of energy and body. The axes of this change were each of us, reclaiming our forgotten power. In my vision, that power was frozen in what we now call TRAUMA, which also shows itself through repeating patterns of fear, selfishness, hatred, vanity, self-importance, jealousy, attachment, and so on.

From that image came the clarity to share the nectar of my spiritual path in an ordered, integrated way.

The first question that came to me was very clear:

If there are paths of self-knowledge with hundreds or thousands of years of transmission behind them (Tantra, Taoism, Tibetan Buddhism, Kabbalah, Yoga, and others), why not simply follow the guidelines of those lineages, put them into practice and become a better person?

The next question was:

If there are so many contemporary currents that have done me so much good and brought me clarity — psychoneuroimmunology, the neurosciences, body (somatic) psychotherapy, energetic sexuality or somatic sexology (Neotantra) — why not simply bring these ideas together into one transmission that carries the nectar of each, to bring clarity to consciousness?

The answer was as simple as: “COME ON, PAMELA!! ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME… how hard can it be? After everything you’ve given up to allow yourself the freedom of this vision, all you have to do is create a programme and share it.”

Then came the time to create. I filled in questionnaire after questionnaire so that the women on the design team could understand my vision and give an image to something that could only come from the quantum field of a person who dreams of being and giving, to make this a better world.

Several people came to me wanting to share their way of spreading ideas through marketing, of selling them; they offered me different digital strategies. My body did not feel safe with any of it.

I travelled to Europe in April 2025, having launched the ORGONA MATER brand and having put together a programme to hand over, piece by piece, to the marketing team, so they could take care of the whole visual process of making the idea known.

I couldn’t do it… When I reached Montserrat, a few days before my birthday, I experienced emptiness and a loss of meaning. Nothing I thought I was “doing right” made sense. Nothing made sense. I climbed the mountain of Montserrat with my notebook in hand. When I reached the highest point, after walking a stony path, I collapsed before that loss of meaning. How do you create something out of a loss of meaning? I thought of the people I “have helped” along my way, and even of those who have sometimes “praised my work”… and even so, the emptiness, the loss of meaning and a very strong wish to disappear from the centre of all this were still there. How do you create something that helps others without being at the centre? Without feeding my ego and my self-importance? How do you be “a centre” without all the poisons that being at the centre can bring?

When I arrived in Ibiza I was welcomed into the “ashram” of the ICU (a community and spiritual lineage I joined a couple of years ago), and in one of the gatherings the teachers of the line told me that the most important thing about “teaching” was realising that the most valuable thing I can do is help raise souls towards spiritual liberation (what a task, I told myself — I’m not even clear on it myself). That was when the whole programme I had built for that April went through a process of coming undone and being rebuilt into what it is today.

This December, 2025, I travelled to India and Nepal, where I have gone through a recalibration on every level, and where I am writing this now. As a consequence of the Dharma, I have taken refuge in Tantric Buddhism (Vajrayana). I never thought I would do it the traditional way — I have been studying it for a few months in a more Western, relaxed programme — but being here, events and synchronicities led me to it.

Direct contact with the Dharma has made me understand the importance of service, of giving, of letting go of expectations, and of seeking compassionate action here and now in my everyday life. A deep change of view entered my consciousness, to the point that my purpose in this incarnation has taken as its reference those teachers who have left nothing but light in their wake.

And although that frightens me too, after all this my heart feels more aligned with the idea of being an axis of consciousness and passing on teachings from a place of non-attachment. Cultivating emptiness steadily, and encouraging compassion out of my own experience.

Giving is a fundamental part of the path of the Dharma, and today I feel it is also one of the things that keeps me anchored in my centre. I recognise that returning to the centre is returning to point zero, returning to equanimity — there where BEING happens without expectation and simply flows because it IS.

I don’t intend to be anyone else’s centre. I am not a guru. But if my synthesis of experience and ideas serves the path to liberation of even one being, then all this work will have been worth it.

Thank you for being here, thank you for reading me, thank you for holding this with patience and love…

— Pamela